Episode 19 - New 90 Day Program
Welcome back to Reconnection Moments, a space where we get real about intimacy disorders and healing from sexual compulsivity. Not through willpower or shame, but by gently rewiring the brain and body back into connection. I'm Dr. Michael Barta, creator of The Reconnection Model. In each episode, I'll be answering questions I hear most from clients and therapists, and I will also be sharing fresh insights from my ongoing work.
Host:Welcome back to the Reconnection Podcast. Today's episode is an important one because Dr. Michael Barta is announcing several new enhancements to the Reconnection Intensive designed to make the experience even more effective. For years, men have attended the five day intensive and have described it as life changing. But now Dr. Barta has expanded the program even further,
Host:by adding three months of guided aftercare to help participants integrate the Connection experience into everyday life at no additional cost. Hi, Dr. Barta. And I just want to ask, why did you decide to make this change?
Dr. Barta:You know, one of the things, I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse, but I am never satisfied with things as they are. I always see where things can improve, and I kind of constantly try to do that, right? Even some of the intensives, not very many people get the same experience because I've added new content to the next one, and the next one, and the next one, right? Just to make it more effective in the long run. So I've never been a guy that says, "This is good enough."
Dr. Barta:And over the last several years, it became clear to me that five days is it creates massive insight and a massive emotional breakthrough, and I think people really heal. But insight alone, I'm seeing, does not really make transformation. Right? So giving the clients their instructions when they left on what to do to continue to integrate, you know, it felt a little out because some of them do, some of them don't. Right?
Dr. Barta:But this way, everybody gets the opportunity to integrate it over the three months. Right? And so they're going to be meeting weekly on a Zoom call in a guided facilitation group, right, to incorporate what they learned in the intensive. Okay? So it's not deep psychotherapy.
Dr. Barta:It's not psychotherapy at all like they did within the intensive. But what it is, is it's an experience to really zoom in each component, you know, every one of the components, the trauma, the partner healing, all those types of things, and really learn how to integrate it into their daily life.
Host:So the issue really wasn't the intensive itself, and I know you're always making tweaks and refinements to it, but the issue was what happened afterwards?
Dr. Barta:Well, yeah, because intensive is really powerful. Right? And but healing happens in repetition, consistency, and emotional exposure. You know, these people need to practice this with the group they came in with, so that's another thing. It's not a mixed group.
Dr. Barta:Each cohort has their own group, right? So you're going to be continuing with the men that you have already gotten to know, and they've gotten to know you, right? And for years, I offered this as an optional aftercare, you know, and unfortunately, I'd have to charge for that. And some people signed up and some people didn't, right? And the people who stayed connected with the group consistently had better long term outcomes.
Dr. Barta:So I'm like, "I just got to include this." Right? This needs to be part of the intensive itself.
Host:So that's a pretty major shift in adding something that's really core to what your model's all about and what you do in addiction and recovery.
Dr. Barta:Yeah, it's a pretty big shift. But honestly, I think it's the right shift, right? What happens in most treatment models is someone has a breakthrough, they feel motivated, then they leave treatment, and then life slowly pulls them back into their old adaptations. Not because the client doesn't care or because they're bad people, but because the nervous system is always trying to pull us back into what's familiar, right? And so, with an added, you know, ninety days of group, you know, where you're going to meet once a week, what you're going to get is you're going to be getting that integration.
Dr. Barta:It's going to help you stay where you are and not be pulled back into what your nervous system is used to doing. Right? So if the intensive's the beginning, the structured ninety day process is what really incorporates these things that people learn in the intensive.
Host:So now every man who comes through the intensive automatically enters the integration.
Dr. Barta:Yeah. And so it's no longer a five day experience. It's a ninety day recovery and integration process. Right? Men come to the intensive for a breakthrough and discovery, then immediately afterwards, they're going to immediately enter the weekly integration group where they continue practicing what they learned.
Dr. Barta:All right? This allows them to bridge the gap between understanding and implementation. Because honestly, understanding something intellectually and living it relationally are two different things.
Host:So what are the men actually doing during those ninety days?
Dr. Barta:They're gonna be doing a lot of them the same nervous system work, a lot of emotional awareness work, a lot of accountability, a lot of practicing the four pillars, the authenticity, the transparency, the vulnerability, and the presence, so that they can bring it into their everyday life. Right? We help men identify when they're disconnecting, when they emotionally shut down, you know, when they're becoming defensive, if, you know, they're having troubles with communication with their partner, we help them with that. And, you know, so basically, it's about helping them move from a state of protection where they were when they came into the intensive to connection over those ninety days.
Host:I'd imagine partners probably benefit from this change, too.
Dr. Barta:Well, yeah, absolutely. That's one of the biggest reasons I did this, right? One of the hardest things for betrayed partners is inconsistency. Alright? A man comes home from treatment.
Dr. Barta:He's gonna be highly motivated, emotionally open. But then, you know, within a matter of weeks, he may start shifting and slipping back into old patterns. Maybe not the behaviors themselves, right? So he's not gonna be acting out, but he's gonna be using, again, emotional avoidance, secrecy, emotional shutdown. We want him to stay open.
Dr. Barta:So this integration phase helps prevent the collapse of, you know, what his system was accustomed to, because he's basically really rewiring himself. Right? And this gives the partner a chance to see him being consistent over time, instead of just coming back with a huge amount of intensity that kind of dissipates over time.
Host:You said before that healing isn't perfection, it's about repetition.
Dr. Barta:Yep. Healing is all about repetition. The nervous system changes through repeated experiences, not powerful moments alone. So if you look at it, the intensive's a hugely powerful moment or week, right? But then you need to have repeated experiences with this in order to fully rewire the nervous system.
Dr. Barta:So it's not about getting more content. It's about creating the structure necessary so we can transform and continue after the intensive has ended. And honestly, I think this is one of the most important changes I have ever made.
Host:What would you say to someone listening right now who's considering coming to the intensive?
Dr. Barta:I would say it's no longer simply just a week of treatment, right? This is a new structured process that's designed to help you understand why your behavior has developed, what actually needs healing underneath, and how to begin living differently long after you leave. The intensive starts the process. The integration phase keeps it sustainable, and I think this combination changes everything.
Host:Thank you, Dr. Barta. In our next episode, we'll talk about why insight alone does not create lasting change. Until then, thank you for listening to the Reconnection Podcast.
Dr. Barta:Thanks for joining me today. If you want to learn more about how this healing happens, visit drmichaelbarta.com. And if this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it. Until next time, keep reconnecting.